Chapter 2
I visited Fran in Oxford yesterday, and we went to watch Finding Nemo (quite good, but a bit simpler than previous Pixar films). Around that, we spent quite a long time discussing where our relationship had gone wrong, how her new relationship with Simon was going, and how she got into that relationship. There were quite a lot of things that I found out that were quite upsetting, but I’m my way home, I actually started to feel happy. I know now that it really is completely over between us, and I can move on from it now. A lot of the problems in our relationship seemed to result from Fran not telling me about them, and I made sure I told her so. I mean no relationship is perfect, but how can you expect it to last if you don’t try to fix any problems that you have. It also seemed that a lot of the issues she didn’t talk to me about were actually misunderstandings on her part. For example, she feared that the reason I didn’t want to move out of home until I could move in with her was because I didn’t want to be on my own, and that I wanted her to be my mother. If she’d asked me about these fears, she would have known that the reason I wanted to live with her was simply to be with her, to have someone to come home to who I could cuddle up to. So in the end, while if we talked about it, maybe we would have lasted, but if she’s happy where she is now, then that’s great. Being in a relationship with someone who is not really happy and worried about the other’s intentions is not much fun.
She still is a wonderful person though. I did start to think yesterday that maybe I shouldn’t see her at all any more, because it was just too upsetting, but I don’t know, today I feel different. She’s a good person to talk to, so I’ll keep doing that. She is my best friend after all!
Love is a funny thing really. In the weeks since we broke up, it’s over-rided every sensible thought that has popped up in my mind, telling me that it’s daft to think you’ll get back together with her because you’ve broken up twice now, and maybe that should tell you something. Am I still in love with Fran? Today I’m not so sure. For the first time in 3 years and 5 months, I feel different towards Fran. I do see some of her bad points. I don’t think she has been fair to me. I think that maybe it would have been appropriate not to get into another relationship already. She can be far to single minded, and occasionally didn’t consider how her actions would make others feel. I would never have stopped her doing anything, but I wasn’t pleased with the way she planned to do other things after agreeing to do things with me. To stop her doing anything that she wanted would have been wrong, but the manner in which she went about it left a bad taste in the mouth on occasion.
The ending of this relationship seems to nicely bookend my life up to now. I’ve finished University, the time of my life where I am learning. I learnt a lot being in this relationship, and anything that occurs in the future will be helped by that experience. (Watch out, cliche coming!) It’s time to start a new chapter, start afresh. Who knows what the future hold and where I am going to end up. This week I will take the first step.
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
A very good point. Still rather loved and not lost though